Ramadhan has reach it's end.. and i'm sad.. like i use to.. but this ramadhan.. was a bit different tho..
leaving this blog for a while.. do i have to feel sorry? mmm.. mohon maaf lahir bathin bt yang kebetulan mampir baca.. nearly none i guess.. selain perempuan pengagum satu-satunya saya itu.. hih. *kibas sepatu..
banyak ceritasebetulnya.. how i can't even forget the pain 8 month ago.. geez, nearly a year... maybe it's just because.. i love someone too damn much.. hold him like i'll lost him tomorow.. damn painfull.. how we was so busy throwing each other head with fire balls.. almost every weekend.. meet up. fire. meet up. fire.. with ramadhan and tears.. it was exhaust me.. so much..
i think he also feel the same.. for this 6 years.. i finaly see.. that he's screaming.. tell me how hell i was.. broke me into pieces.. make me wonder.. where he has been for all this years? end up with.. he love me that much patiently all this damn hell years?
kami berteriak satu sama lain kencang sekali. saya masih menangis mngingat hari itu.. hari hari dimana kami ditemani perdebatan neraka.. Love is hell.. most of the time..
Saya terkadang juga tidak tahu.. knapa kami masih berpegang erat satu sama lain sampai hari ini.. even with all of our hell.. life is so damn beautiful when he's around.. and i'm still feel blessed for having him.. his arms.. for keep holding me in our worst parts.. keeping me sane.. at the end of our insanity...
Ditengah semua gelap,waktu yang berjalan tanpa iba dan mengacuhkan airmata.. kami tetap bertahan.. ditengah umur yang menuju penghabisan.. egois yang keterlaluan.. Dia akan tetap menjadi akhiran..
malam ini semua seperti di rewind.. dan hati saya remuk redam.. betapa saya meridukan Tuhan untuk bercerita.. menjawab, mengapa kami bertemu.. dan berpegangan erat sampai hari ini.
Ya.. saya menyesal untuk beberapa detik.. malam itu.. dimana dia dan dia adalah tawa, dan saya hanya airmata.. sulit untuk dijabarkan seperti apa rasanya... sudahlah. cukup saya saja.. namun even in the worst part.. ada sesuatu yang bisa saya pelajari..
Mimpi.. menjadi sesuatu yang mahal untuk saya dan dia.. nearly impossible.. saya tahu. dan kalian pasti kesal.. how naive we can be.. mempertahankan sesuatu yang ujungny sudah bisa ditebak.. "gak mungkin.."? we choose to be naive.. pursue something that we can't even see and feel.. holding each other hands.. i'm here dear..
Hebatnya,saya jadi punya alasan untuk melanjutkan mimpi-mimpi saya yang lain. berusaha melupakan bahwa dua tahun lagi saya akan menjadi irritable old granny with no husband in hands.. i'll cope with that.. hopefully..
since i'll have enough time to make me and my family happy.. make him happy too.. hopefully....
Wish me hun... Help me to erase our hells.... to be able to throw my sickened mind and life peacefully with you.. giving my all ages in your hands.. pursuing our dreams.. let marriage and children be stars in the sky.. and you as my sun..
we still have our other dreams tho..
smile hun.. my hands is in yours.. tonight.. and many nights ahead.. hopefully.....
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